Jinkies, Jeepers, and Jerks: Unmasking Our Villains for Who They Really Are.

I feel like this post needs a disclaimer before I get started: There is no excuse for racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, gender discrimination, religious persecution, or any other ways in which others are marginalized. You simply don’t have to take, nor do you deserve, that crap.

If you’re still with me, hello.

As an 80’s kid, I have fond memories of Saturday morning cartoons and among them, I loved the original Scooby Doo. If you’re unfamiliar, the show centered around a group of 4 college age teens and their talking dog, Scooby, who solve mysteries wherever they go.

As a kid it was great, and while the nostalgia still pulls me in, I’m left in awe of just how often a theme ran through many of the episodes, and it goes something like this.

Each episode dealt with some sort of villain — a mummy, a ghost, a werewolf, a zombie — something that was terrorizing a village or haunting a house. The gang would set about their investigation, and at the climax of the drama, “unmask” the monster to reveal that it was someone who had a connection to the story.

These unmasked villains followed a similar pattern as well. It was often a caretaker who didn’t want the house sold by the new owners so disguised himself as a ghost, or the greedy banker who wanted to buy the property cheap and decided a monster would make the owners sell quickly.

In essence, it was human desire disguised as supernatural torment.

The plot line became so repetitive that the unmasking of villains has become the stuff of memes.

Tomorrow, millions will gather with family and friends, one that was largely absent last year due to the pandemic, to celebrate Thanksgiving.

But for many of us, that one meal brings anxiety and angst — whether through differing views on politics, religion, or just being — we will be walking into an unknown room of ghosts and monsters who will chase and terrorize us.

Rotten fruit starts at the root.

The takeaway from Scooby and the gang, other than their strange 70’s catch phrases of “jinkies” from Velma or “jeepers” from Shaggy, is that what we see on the surface — the bitterness, the judgment, the narrow minded view of the world — is often a reflection of some deep seated pain, insecurity, or fear that is leading to an unpleasant or downright wrong outward behavior.

We see this in a lot of areas, from the divorced aunt who is mean or cold to the happily married couple. Or the opposite, the married individual who becomes jealous of the recently divorced aunt’s freedom.

It could be siblings who view one another as the family favorite that leads to feelings of envy, or it could even be the employee who was overlooked for a promotion they thought they earned over someone else.

Whatever the outward actions a person takes, however vile they come across, it is worth taking a step back and asking “what pain is under their mask that I don’t see”.

Below are a few tips on surviving the next 24–36 hours with grace and dignity:

• Get proper sleep, hydration, nutrition, and exercise beforehand — set yourself up mentally and physically to handle what is to come. Be your own advocate in showing up as your best self.
• Avoid conflict and know your exit plan — I’m always ready to debate someone, but also aware that this may not be the time or place. Know what your exit strategy is — either from the conversation or from the event overall. Sometimes I volunteer to go get last minute things at the store just for a break
• Look Beyond the Ugly Mask — Again, back to the disclaimer, no one has the right to make you feel less than anything other than the amazing human you are. The most vile villains I’ve personally faced I have been able to encounter with empathy and compassion because I took the time to look past the outside mask they were wearing to the internal motivations they had.
• Remember, This Too Shall Pass — nothing lasts forever and you can endure great things and hardships. You can always show up fashionably late and leave early, but realize, it is temporary — even though how they make you feel may not be.

If you have been victimized, cast aside, or otherwise made to feel less than, I am so so sorry for that. You don’t deserve that from those who are supposed to be the closest to you.

I wish you all a villain-free holiday season, may the jerks at the table be unmasked for who they are, and may you find your gang that supports you wherever you go.